When approaching, make sure you learn what is on the person’s mind.

You can’t just bound into the room, greet him/her jovially and expect a “Sweetie-am-I-glad-to see-you” gleam in his/her eye!

You’re more likely to get the “Who-the-heck-are-you?” glare if s/he looks at you at all.

What can you do to start off on the right foot while marching to same beat?

• Approach slowly. Wait for the person to become aware of your presence.
• Make sure your eyes meet. You want the person to see you.
• Smile. You want the person to feel you are a friend. Barbara Gaughen-Muller, Caregiver of the Month, explains, “Nothing lifts the heart as easily as a smile. And it’s free!”
• Use the person’s name then introduce yourself and state your relationship (wife, husband, son, daughter, sister, brother, friend). Sometimes, the person may act surprised and exclaim, “I know who you are!”
• Ask a simple question, initially. WAIT for a response. Be patient. Ask the initial question differently if you don’t receive a response or change the subject.

We can never really know the world our loved ones are living in…

One day, about a year after my father had been living in the nursing home, I arrived to see him irritated.

“Hi Mardig!” (We called him by his first name, Martin, in Armenian.) “How are you?” He looked at me strangely, so I introduced myself. ”I’m Brenda, your daughter.”

He then looked at me sternly. “You’re LATE!”

For what? I had NO IDEA!

“Are you with me or not?” he demanded.

Trying to be agreeable, I retorted, “I’m with you!” What could he be talking about?

“Well c’mon then. Let’s go!”

“Uh, okay… you lead.”

Would you believe - No, you wouldn’t; how could you? - he wanted me to join him and his English Countrymen to fight the war?

And here’s the kicker: He’s Armenian! He’s never been to England!

In any case, I accompanied him right through the secure doors to the lobby where we waited for the train to take us to England. We would be waiting a LONG TIME! We were in California!

When visiting a person with Alzheimer’s, be careful to first establish eye-contact with a smile then learn what’s on the person’s mind so you can more easily connect.

Brenda Avadian, MA, of http://www.TheCaregiversVoice.com, is an award-winning speaker who serves as a national spokesperson for family and professional caregivers and is an internationally acclaimed author. Brenda advocates the caregiving continuum, using support groups, geriatric assessment, educational sessions, in-home care, adult day care, elder law services, clinical studies, and residential, assisted living, or nursing care. Having been a caregiver, she now brings hope and strength to caregivers around the world through knowledge, humor, and tears of joy.

Article By:  Brenda Avadian

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So often I went to visit Bob (my ex father-in-law whom I cared for for almost 6 years), he was completely non-communicative. He usually sat in his chair with his eyes closed. There were days when I had maneuvered traffic, left meetings early to visit him, cancelled personal appointments because he needed me, or ignored my own needs just to be with him and, when I arrived, I was met with closed eyes and no communication. On those days, I never even got a “hello” or “goodbye.” The first few times this happened, I was full of anger, beyond frustration. Why was I called? What was I supposed to do that the caregiver couldn’t do? One day I arrived at his house and he was silent, and the silence was deafening. I was about to start yelling (purely out of frustration), when he opened his eyes and said, “Will you hold my hand and watch this movie with me?” And in that moment, I got it. He didn’t want to talk. He was just lonely and no professional caregiver could fill his need for family kindness.

Do you ever notice how when the elderly walk, they often take a companion’s arm or hand? I used to think it was for balance, security, stability; but I now believe that it’s also for the human touch-the connection. Not everyone is comfortable with hand-holding. If you are one of these people, try rubbing or patting someone’s shoulder or touching a knee when you are seated next to your loved one. You need to do what is comfortable for you, but human touch is better than most of the medicine the elderly receive.

Nursing home residents often feel so isolated and alone. Doctors and nurses are in and out of the room all day long, but very few have the time, or take the time, to make the touch connection. Imagine, if you can, what touch means to you. What is it like for you when someone holds you or caresses your face or places a supportive hand on your back? Imagine what that feels like for you. Imagine not having it. On those days when you are exhausted, try just being quiet, holding your loved one’s hand, and let the positive feeling flow between the two of you. We all need to be touched. Allow yourself to see past the dementia or the Alzheimer’s or the wrinkled skin or the lost eyes, and try to see the soul that still appreciates a human connection. You won’t regret it.

You don’t have to lose yourself because you said YES and became a caregiver. In this free report you will learn the 10 Key Strategies to Reclaim Your Life while not turning your back on your loved one. Visit http://www.soulofcare.com to get immediate access to your free report.

Article By: Cindy Laverty

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Presents for the Person With Frontotemporal Dementia

What do you buy a man or woman that only reads in small spurts, doesn’t write, doesn’t drive, doesn’t have any hobbies and can’t do anything on his or her own that requires multiple steps? Someone with an advanced condition of aphasia as a part of his or her frontotemporal dementia?

It’s been hard to wrap my brain about it. My mother was – and is – a booklover. She was a writer; she wrote haiku and senryu and all sorts of poems all of her life. She spoke lyrically. She was all about the absorption of information: about learning, about thinking, about the juxtaposition of thought and feeling.

Much of that has been taken from her by this disease. I don’t like to think about it too much. All of those books that she was going to read when she retired, for example. Not so much.

She used to love perfume and lotions and soaps and creams, but they pretty much totally lost their appeal when she couldn’t smell anymore. She sometimes puts perfume on, although I try to help because otherwise she’ll be a walking cloud o’ scent.

So, what you have to do is really look at the day to day existence of the person in question. Last year Dad bought Mom lots of clothes. Clothes are an excellent option.

I’ve started to dig deeper into other areas of Mom’s life. I guess these are things I took for granted but they will come in handy now. She loves soft textiles, fabrics. So this year I bought her socks that are all fuzzy and aloe-infused. I got them in bright colors so that they look pretty and will be easy for her to spot and match up. I got her super-soft pajamas.

Just yesterday I remembered that for many years she wore a necklace with a Taurus bull horn in gold. I don’t know what happened to her necklace but that would be a wonderful gift, I think. She still loves jewelry.

She doesn’t wear her wedding rings anymore because she kept shrinking and there was too great a chance of them falling off and getting lost. So, she wears some cheap rings that she hangs onto and twists. I could go to the jeweler and resize her real rings. Dad would still be afraid that she’d lose them, but she could at least wear them to family events and stuff.

What else have we gotten for Mom? Oh, she loves raspberry jelly. That’s a key one. And she needs slippers, although there’s some question on whether she’ll use them.

Yeah, it’s tough. But doable. You have to think about things that are very in-the-moment.

Someone once told me that the blessing of dementia is that you are forced to live in the moment, forced to abandon all other strings and simply be in the moment. I don’t know about the blessing part, but it’s true. And that’s the key to buying presents for anyone with dementia – if it’s something that can be appreciated without complexities or plans, then it will work.

By the way, I used to wrap her presents in front of her, thinking she wouldn’t remember. But no, she remembered. It’s easy to think with dementia that Mom is not absorbing what’s going on around her. But on the contrary, she usually knows exactly what’s going on although she may not be able to say so. So, now I make her turn around so that she doesn’t see her presents!

My mother, age 69, was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia in January 2011. She has Progressive Nonfluent Aphasia. She also shows the cognitive (but not motor) symptoms related to Corticobasal Syndrome, such as apraxia, acalculia, visual-spatial impairment and significant language issues. My father and I are her caregivers. Our story is at http://ftdland.net.

Article by: Marlene J Geary

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marlene_J_Geary

The Boomers, most of us know, are the children born after the Second World War and before 1965. World-wide optimism at this time resulted in a huge jump in the birth rate and this had far reaching effects which we are feeling now as these babies are now our aging population and we are scrambling to figure out how governments will afford pension payouts, not mention  how our fragile medical systems will provide the care they will need. Those folk who are 50 years and older are known as Boomers. Who is going to have the honor of taking care of them?  Enter Generation X.

Generation X is also known as the Sandwich Generation because they not only have older teenagers and young adults living at home to care for but also their aging parents. Generation X is an interesting population group and they include those babies born in the mid sixties until the early eighties.  These people are the younger siblings and children of the Boomers.  This generation witnessed a sharp decline in the birth rate and is also referred to as the Baby Bust Generation.

They are an interesting bunch when compared to other generations.  Born without specific identities, they were to face uncertain, undefined and often hostile futures.  We see this now as we wonder about the value of our pensions, can we afford to retire and is the retirement age going to be increased from 60 to 65 years of age as is suggested in some countries.  Many of us fear that we will never be able to retire at all.  This is in part because we cannot afford to and in part because of the sharp decline in birth rates from the boomer period, resulting in a much smaller experienced workforce.

We are a tough bunch.  We have witnessed the Watergate scandal, survived the oil crisis of 1979 and the recession of the early eighties.  We saw the fall of the Berlin Wall, the end of the Cold War and experienced the tragedy of nuclear disaster in the Chernobyl Episode.  We have embraced the introduction of the home computer, cable TV and the internet. We have changed our careers more than once and yet we still have managed to raise our families in uncertain financial times. On average, Generation X has had the best standard of living and the highest income of any other generation before and after.

So, despite the uncertain times ahead caring for our seniors, we are tough and well conditioned to think outside of the proverbial box when finding new and innovative ways to meet the demands of society.  We will find the courage and strength to care for our seniors, raise our children and figure out our own retirement plans.  Generation X is innovative, resourceful and creative.  We will meet our future challenges with courage and humor.  After all, every day above ground is a good day!

Article by: Rosemary Charlton

For those of you with a loved one who suffers from dementia of any sort, it is hard to see them fade in their ability to remember familiar surroundings, important experiences from the past or even remember you. And as if that is not enough to manage as a caregiver, your loved one may also at times become inexplicably angry or aggressive. So what can you do when dementia becomes violent?

It is really critical that you always remember that the dementia is not about you, and it is not even really about the parent who once walked you to school or down the aisle if you are married or any of the countless other wonderful episodes in your collective life. It is about the dementia and you cannot reason with it. In this case, it is important to know what you should not do as it is to know what to do.

The Alzheimer’s Association, an organization founded to provide optimal care and services to individuals confronting dementia, and to their caregivers and families, offers some very helpful advice. When you are with a person suffering from dementia, and they become aggressive or violent, follow these guidelines:

1. Do not get physical – Unless the situation is truly violent or threatening, do not use restraints or force, because it gives the person with the dementia even more reason to be fearful and frustrated.
2. Do not confront – Dementia does not allow you the opportunity to negotiate, so you need to learn to just let it go. Anything short of backing down only fuels the issue.
3. Do not blame – You should apologize no matter who is at fault for the same reason as #2; you cannot negotiate, and you cannot win an argument.
4. Do not fuel the issue – Remember that fighting fires calls for water; you do not fight fire with fire. It is important to keep your cool and be as reassuring as possible.

Here are a few more don’ts as guidelines. If you have had angry outbursts from a person with dementia, you may be able to reflect on the situation and appreciate that your own response may have fanned the flames of an outburst. It is always important to remember it is not the person acting out; it is the dementia. A psychologist I know encourages better caregiving by remembering a simple acronym: A-R-E. It stands for:

• Do not Argue
• Do not Reason
• Do not Explain.

Ultimately, you may find what is particularly well-suited to your own loved one. It may be some favorite music that will calm the waters, or maybe just changing the subject from the bath to be taken to anything else. It may even be just taking a time-out by leaving the room. In the end, both of you will feel better. For more advice on handling the situation, check out the Alzheimer’s Association.

Find services and web sites which can help you as a caregiver to an older adult or someone with special needs on our Resources page: http://www.creativecasemanagement.com/resources.aspx. Get helpful advice and support from Charlotte Bishop on her blog page: http://www.creativecasemanagement.com/blog.aspx.

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How do we maintain dignity as we age? This can be answered in two ways: from the point of view of the aging adult or from the point of view of the caregiver of that aging adult. I am going to speak on the point of view of the caregiver. In my years of caring for older adults, I have seen all different kinds of approaches on this matter. Some work, some clearly do not! I think the best way to answer this question is fairly simple: How would you want to be treated?It can be hard to put yourself in the role of the other person and know how what you are saying or doing is affecting them. By simply asking yourself how would I want to be treated if it was happening to me, you can better provide assistance. This will, in the end, make caring for someone easier because they will feel respected.

As I write about this topic there are certain caregivers that come to mind. They so easily and naturally provide this respect and dignity with very little effort. They are spouses or children that are providing care. They are dealing with different types of conditions: dementia, Parkinson’s, ALS or a stroke, just to name a few. In observing them, the main thing I notice they all do is continue to keep their loved ones involved in their lives and the things they always enjoyed doing. They don’t stop living because of the illness. This can take some creativity.

Some examples of what I am talking about:

1. Let’s say your husband has dementia. Chances are, that is his main health problem and he’s probably still pretty physically able. So when winter comes around, can he still shovel snow? Yes! When fall comes around, can he still rake leaves? Yes! When spring comes around, can he still help mulch the flower beds? Yes! When summer comes around, can he still help with yard work? Yes!

While these activities may need you to supervise him discretely, he is still physically able to participate in your life. It will make him feel useful and satisfied that he can still participate.

2. Let’s say your wife has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. You are noticing that she is having trouble getting dressed and with her medication management but you feel uncertain about how to discuss this topic with her. These situations can be delicate because you want to be sure to present the problems you are observing as just that, observations. You don’t want to make her self-conscious about her abilities. So what do you do? Be upfront and just talk with her about it calmly; communicate with her as you would about anything else. Ask her what she needs to make her life easier. Decide together how to proceed, offering suggestions. Solutions that make her day easier could be very simple at first. Maybe laying her clothes out for her or rearranging the set up of your bedroom or bathroom. Preparing her medications with her for the day of the week in pill boxes. Whatever you do, don’t let her continue to struggle and pretend that you don’t notice. It never feels good to fail day after day doing simple tasks or to feel alone in the process. You need to remember that she can still participate in the decision-making process in your lives even if she has Parkinson’s.

3. Let’s say your father has suffered a stroke and has come to live with you and your family in your home. This is a huge adjustment for everyone! As a result of his stroke, one of the problems is that your father has difficulty with his speech – he is hard to understand but yet is still very alert and oriented. Speech difficulties can be especially frustrating for stroke victims and their families. You notice that he seems depressed and has withdrawn from the activities that he used to enjoy. It is important to break that cycle and to break it as soon as possible. He needs to be reminded that he is still able to participate in life. Look for useful things that he can do around the house to make him part of the household. Find a chore or two that he can successfully do and is responsible to complete. If he was a people person before and now sits at home all day, consider an Adult Day Center or Senior Center. Try to involve him in your lives as much as possible. People need to feel useful and have a purpose. Most importantly, you need to discuss this with him and decide together how to proceed. If he feels like you are making decisions for him, he will most likely resist and then have trouble trusting you in the future.

These are just some examples. Any solutions, of course, are going to be unique to your family. The key point is to try to maintain their dignity and have respect them for who they are as a person. While these illnesses will change their level of physical functioning it does not mean that they should be excluded from living. A person does not want to be known by the disease that they have but rather as the person they are.

Article by: Christy L. Carpenter

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When we were little, we saw our parents as invincible people, who took care, protected and loved us no matter what. They were our first heroes who were always there when we needed them. But like the rest of humankind, our parents will grow old, some even die young. My father died when he was only 58 years old while my mother is now 77 years old. For active people like my mother, aging can be difficult and life becomes more of an effort. The past few months I see her struggling more and more with her physical disabilities and accepting of the fact that this limits her social interactions outside our home. Because I am a parent too, I know what sacrifices parents make to raise their children and as a child of an aging mother, I feel that it is but fitting that I should help her have a happy and comfortable life in her twilight years.

Make Time for your elderly parents

I always try to make time for my mother. I know that we all have jobs or families or other important things to do with our time and our parents know that. My mother even now that she needs help getting around, is always very considerate of my schedule and would not ask for help unless she really needs to. Why? Because she does not want to trouble me. Something we never thought about as children. Children have a sense of entitlement and expect their parents to be always there, even for the most trivial reasons. On the other hand, parents always think of the welfare of their children first and they carry this concern till their last breath. Our parents need to be reassured that it is no trouble for us to do things for them. Try to visit them regularly, spend time talking with them, keeping them abreast with what is happening in our lives. This would make them more in tune with the times and less isolated from the world…and from us.

Anticipate their needs or wants

I remember when I was in college and living with my maternal grandmother, I would go on book sales and bought romance novels which she loved to read. The glow in her face was worth spending part of my weekend money. But it does not always have to be something material. It could be an errand, a chat, or just to tag along on your shopping and grocery trips. Sometimes just getting her out of the house for a short ride is enough.

Don’t force them to do something they don’t like

But don’t force anything on them. Sometimes our good intentions are not what they need or want. Remember that our parents are different people from us. Just as when we were teenagers and did not like doing things they thought was best, our parents also would not like to be made to do anything they don’t want to. It is proper to always ask them first and not take them for granted.

Be Patient and Kind

Our parents can get so sensitive as they aged. Perhaps the fact that they are slowly losing their independence and authority contributes to this. We should be more careful with our comments and reactions to their limitations. A few years ago, we got my mom a new cellphone and she was having difficulty using it. After almost a week of tutorials, she still could not get it and I got exasperated regrettably saying something I shouldn’t have and hurt her feelings. Of course, I made amends but I also learned that patience and kindness should be practiced at all times.

Ask for their advice

Our parents may be growing old but that does not mean they are short on wisdom. My paternal grandmother was one such person. She was only a high school graduate but her life experiences made her wise in her old age. I learned a lot from our little chats, lessons which I apply in my life to this day. Try to involve your parents when you need to make big decisions. You might be surprised with the advice you get. And by doing this, they continue to feel relevant and useful. It also does wonders for their self-esteem.

Always give our parents due respect

Whatever kind of parents we have, we should always treat them with respect. They may not have been perfect and probably even disappointed us in more ways than one, but there is no denying the sacrifices our parents made for us. Undoubtedly, their love for us is without measure.

The saddest thing about growing old is to be forgotten and to lose one’s relevance in society. We see a lot of elderly people set aside, placed in homes and basically just neglected. Our elderly parents need us. A thoughtful call, a leisurely visit, a lively chat, surely these are not much to ask for. After all, we too will grow old one day.

Article by: Marivel R. Ledesma

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