Dealing with the Emotions of the Family Caregiver
Dealing with the Emotions of the Family Caregiver
Expecting to care for your elderly loved ones without hitting bumps in the road is unrealistic and even the most patient and angelic of us will at some time find that we are having to deal with personal anger issues. In the extreme case this results in elder abuse which is sad, but most of us manage to deal with the problem in other ways, often to the detriment of our own health and wellbeing.
Anger, frustration and resentment are the most common emotions that are experienced by caregivers. Sometimes we are ashamed with ourselves for having these feelings, but it is important to recognize that they are quite understandable although we do need to find ways to deal with them before they escalate and cause further misery to ourselves or our loved ones.
Whether is financial worries or the frustration that life has not worked out the way we wanted to and now we find ourselves with the full time job of taking care of our elders while other siblings appear to have escaped the task, the fact remains that taking care of our elders is a reality for many of us and this situation is only going to grow in the future as the baby boomers retirement begins to impact our lives.
The question that begs to be answered then is how do we learn to deal with these emotional issues without hurting the ones we are trying to care for?
- The first and most important point to understand and accept is that it is not your fault and it is not unreasonable to have these feelings. Do not beat yourself up for feeling this way, but recognize that you have these feelings and make an effort to “deal” with them.
- It is equally important to understand and accept that the elderly person you are taking care of is not responsible for causing these feelings. We are all going to age and they cannot help being a burden to you.
- Continue to love them for who they are and not who you wish they could be. The day is coming when you will be in the same boat and hopefully learning to deal with this will be good training for your own children later on in life.
- Try to identify the problem. What exactly is causing you to feel this way? Identifying the root of the problem makes it easier to confront the issue honestly and results will be more effective.
- Talk to family and friends when you feel angry or depressed. If necessary take time out to talk to a professional who can help you work through the emotional rollercoaster you have to travel in this demanding and exhausting job that you have become entwined in.
- Learn to take time out for yourself and hire a professional companion or caregiver for a few hours a week to give you that much needed time off for yourself. Sometimes just a break to relax is enough to recharge your batteries.
- Finally, realize that acceptance and resolving your feelings will come in waves. Some days you will cope well, some days you will not. Do not berate yourself on those bad days but know that you need to work harder on those days. Progress in dealing with anger emotions is a gradual, ongoing process.
- Respect the feelings of your loved ones and take one day at a time. Together you will both travel this lonely road and together you will succeed. Honor the time you have with your elder parents. As one sage said, “do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many.”
Article by: Rose Charlton
